Episode Description: Overcoming the Fear of Crowds and Being Trapped
In this episode of the More Than Anxiety Podcast, life coach Megan Devito talks about how to overcome the common fear of crowds and feeling trapped.
If you feel anxious at social events, dread public transportation, or feel anxious in tight places, this episode is a must-listen.
Learn how to:
Understand the specific thoughts and feelings that trigger your anxiety.
Question the stories your mind tells you about being in crowds or confined spaces.
Use simple techniques to manage your anxiety in the moment and feel calm and confident.
Stop letting fear dictate your life and start enjoying the things you love.
If you're sick of letting fear run your life, schedule time to talk with Megan about life coaching and how she helps her clients feel calm, confident, and in control.
Podcast Transcript:
Welcome to the More than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito, and I'm a life coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety is holding you back. Get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action, so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it.
Welcome to Episode 38 Of the More than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan and this episode is being recorded in May of 2023, in case you are listening in the future. And whether you're way past May or even past 2023, or you're listening like right as this episode goes live, welcome. I am always grateful that you're here to listen because I have so much fun creating and recording these episodes for you. Honest to God, I really kind of just smile and love it when I talk. So last week, I had someone asked me in a direct message about an episode that I create could have created about the fear of being in crowds. and I realized that I had never done an episode on that topic. So here I am today, I'm going to talk about agoraphobia. I'm going to talk about what it is, and what it might be like for you and how you can handle it. So let's just go ahead and get started.
To be sure I am not diagnosing you with agoraphobia, or myself or anyone else. If you relate to the information in this podcast, it will be helpful to you. If it doesn't sound anything like you, okay! Thanks for listening anyways. I'm really excited that you're here, still. Agoraphobia, though, is a type of anxiety disorder, where you fear being in situations where you are trapped, and you can't get out or easily leave. And often this fear is a fear of panicking, but not always. A lot of times this fear is of being in a really big crowd, but not always. So I've talked with people who fear being in traffic and not being able to find a restroom, or they have a fear of being trapped in a large crowd, or even in an airplane, or in a place like a meeting and throwing up and not being able to leave. And of course, then a big event like a concert or a wedding, and then panicking. And whatever situation will leave you feeling exposed, but also trapped at the same time. So for some people, this fear can lead to being miserable, like absolutely horrified, sweating, all of those anxiety symptoms miserable; but in places where they really want to be! Like maybe they want to go to their best friend's wedding, and they're like, I can't, there's just going to be too many people. Maybe they want to go to this amazing concert, maybe they worked their butts off to get Taylor Swift tickets, and they can't go, because they feel like they're going to crumble. And God they want to go to that concert, but their anxiety is not allowing them to do that. That is not okay with me. I want you to be able to do all of the fun things and the things that make you really excited without getting stuck. It's like the whole motto of everything I do. I want you to have more fun in your life and if anxiety is holding you back, it is time to work on it. This can get to a point where people will even not be able to leave their homes because they're so anxious about panicking, or being trapped. So their home is their safety spot. and their coping mechanism is we don't leave the house.
So when the question I was asked, came up about finding an episode that could help this person while they were getting ready to go to this event. My first thought was, I'm not sure a podcast episode is going to help her feel good at this actual event, It was like later on in the afternoon, but the more I got to thinking about it, I realized that any podcast that I've recorded can help any of you with any type of anxiety. I'm not exaggerating, but for now let's just stick with her fear and the fear of being in a crowd and talk about some possible situations that she might have been thinking about. and you'll see why it's true that any episode will work for any kind in just a few minutes here. So to be clear, I am not her coach, but she does listen to the podcast and sometimes she asks questions, Which I'm totally thankful for, because it helps me know what she needs. Always, always, always I want you guys to feel free to reach out to me, whether it's on Instagram or in my Facebook group and say Megan, I would really love to hear more about... whatever it is that you're dealing with. Whether It's stress or anxiety or anything else. One it gives me great ideas on what I can make for this podcast and it tells me exactly where you're struggling, and my goal is to help you feel better. So always feel free to say what you need and tell me what you want to hear. I'm all over the internet. You can find me and message me. So let's get back to her fear. Her fear was, I'm going to this event, I'm going to be in a crowd and that was kind of the end of the information that I had for her - just that she doesn't do well with crowds, so I'm guessing what her thoughts were. But the fear of being in crowds, or of being trapped, with no way to easily escape has some common thoughts and fears. But that doesn't mean they're the only fears.
So even though this person was specifically looking for help with what might fall into an agoraphobia category, and I'm just guessing here, because one, I'm not a doctor, and two, she just mentioned crowds, maybe it was something altogether. The reason she's anxious and crowds, just goes back to what she's thinking what will happen when she's in the crowd just like somebody with, let's say health anxiety, would fear a sickness or a disease in general, she is fearing crowds, or maybe social anxiety, they would fear interacting in a social situation. They all have this same little genre of fears. But the thoughts about what they're actually feeling are specific to each person.
So in each of these different ways that you can feel anxious, and in any way that you feel anxious, the specific fears you have go back to what you think about that situation. and the more that you think about that situation, the more anxious you're going to become, the more your body's going to react, which makes you feel more anxious, and makes it feel more true for agoraphobia. Specifically, though, the common thoughts that I mentioned here, are fearing being in this in a big crowd are panicking and if that were to happen, you might be afraid of being embarrassed. Or, for a lot of people, It's the fear of panicking itself because It's a really scary place to be. If you are lucky enough to not have ever had a panic attack, you are completely outside of yourself and what I mean by that is, you feel like you're dying, or that you're going crazy, or that you're completely you're just completely out of control, and terrified, because you're grasping to feel in control. But in that moment, it's really overwhelming. So if your thought is I'm going to go into this concert or into this wedding reception, or I'm going to drive down the freeway and I'm going to panic than to stay safe, you're not going to go into that crowd. Okay?
Another common fear with agoraphobia is being in small spaces, or enclosed spaces, like maybe for a lot of people getting an MRI, or even using a tanning bed. And I don't know if that's still a fear, because I don't know if people go to tanning beds or if tanning beds are the same as they were when I was in high school. But if they are, being in that little waffle iron of a tanning bed, can make someone with who tended to be agoraphobic, really anxious. Like I knew people when I was in high school, who would go to the tanning bed, but not pull the top down, because it was too scary for them. and I thought, well, that was a waste of time. But that can be part of that feeling of feeling trapped. It's that fear of being stuck. Agoraphobia can also make you avoid crowds or public places maybe in case you have to use the restroom. Or if you feel like you're going to throw up, you'd be stuck with no way out and you'd embarrass yourself. And whether you panic first and fear second, or think about something, then feel anxious. I don't know. It's kind of like the chicken or the egg thing. There's a debate on whether the anxious thought comes from a situation that you're in, or if it comes from how your body feels. and that. I mean, I think That's two different philosophies on how anxiety works in the body. There's so many amazing debates on anxiety right now and I follow so many people on social media that have these different takes on how it works. But one thing we do know for sure is that anxiety is stored in your body and you will feel it and that is a major, major, major player and how you start to recover. Anyways, I just kind of got off track there for a second. So whether you feel panic first and fear second, or the other way around, I really, in my opinion, I don't think it really matters and you can take that for what it is. You feel anxious, and your brain comes up with stories about why you feel anxious, and then you feel more anxious and then you're stuck.
So if you are avoiding places that make you feel unsafe, or exposed, that's a symptom of agoraphobia. But I want to be really clear on something the feeling you have inside your body, whether the flavor of anxiety that you experience is health anxiety, or social anxiety or generalized anxiety or workplace anxiety or mom anxiety, whatever kind of anxiety you relate to, it's all because your brain and your body are trying to keep you safe. That's it, at least according to your nervous system. It's all the same. You feel anxious, which might mean that you start to shake, or your heart speeds up or you get dizzy, or you can't think clearly, or you get really, really hot, or really, really cold, or you go back and forth between those two feelings; it doesn't matter. Anyway you notice how you feel is the way it works for you. So when you feel those anxiety symptoms, your brain is going to start thinking, and It's going to try to figure out what's wrong, even though there's not actually anything wrong. For people who struggle with agoraphobia, the thoughts you have about how your body feels, make you believe that you'll panic, or you'll pass out, or you'll be trapped, or you'll throw up or you'll pee your pants. Whatever that thought is, this part doesn't change in terms of what's going on and it doesn't change with how I coach.
So if I'm working with someone who's terrified of crowds, because they're afraid they'll get sick, or because they're afraid, they'll have a panic attack, it's the same process I would use if I'm coaching a person who checks their pulse, or who checks their oxygen levels, or who Googles symptoms, because they're afraid they're sick. And that same holds true for the person who lays in bed at night, who feels anxious and thinks that they upset someone at work today, or that they will tomorrow, or that they're getting fired for no reason at all. The body feels anxious, the brain comes up with stories. Very rarely are those stories actually true. So whatever it is that's causing you to feel anxious, whether it's your hormones, which heaven help me, I'm a 47 year old woman, hormones are a thing... and sometimes your body gets all the weird feelings. If you don't know what those feelings are, you can feel anxious. Maybe you're too stressed out. Maybe you've had a big huge life event, something, maybe something tragic happen, maybe it's coming up for you or that it happened even recently, and even a real like an event that happened a long time ago that you barely remember. Your body remembers those events, and it responds and the way your body feels is the key. You have to know exactly how anxiety feels inside your body, and you have to know it intimately.
So one of the first things we do when I coach someone is identify where in your body you feel anxious, How Does it feel? What does it do? What are your symptoms? You learn exactly what is going on when your brain thinks something is dangerous, even though there might not be anything that's actually going on, and you don't know where the feeling came from. So for agoraphobia, this would be, how do you feel when you think about going into a crowd? Let's just start there. Let's talk about how my body feels if I think I'm going to the Taylor Swift concert. Now for some of you, that would be like, freaking amazing! I can't even believe I scored tickets. Let's go right now! But if you want to go to that concert, and your thought is I can't go, I'm terrified. Okay, what is terrified feel like in your body when you think about that concert? Tell me where you feel it. Let's just really get like granular on... close your eyes and feel that feeling? How Does it feel? What is it doing? Then we can start talking about, Okay. well, tell me more about what that feeling is. What's it saying to you? Why should you stay home? We ask lots and lots of questions about that. When you know the feeling, then you get to choose how you react to the feeling. If you don't choose your reaction, you are going to fall into the thinking trap and that is a quick trip to feeling so much worse super fast. So I will help you find a new response that helps you calm down so we can find out what you're actually afraid of. And I assure you it is not peeing your pants, or even panicking. Here's how I know. You've done both of those things before in your life. Well, you've definitely peed your pants because you were a toddler and you're fine. Peeing, your pants won't kill you. You might be embarrassed, but some people would pee their pants and think it was hysterically funny. So again, it goes back to what you think about it. And as far as panic, even though it is a horrific feeling. If you're listening to my voice right now, you're still alive, which means you survived it. Which means we know It's not dangerous. Guess what? Nobody has ever died from a panic attack. That might feel completely untrue. But I swear to you, It's true. Nobody's ever died from a panic attack. You feel like you're going to die for sure. So let's find a new response. and that new response can be as simple as I feel this, I'm going to choose to do whatever it is that feels best for you. The truth is hidden in how you feel and It's wrapped up in lots of stories that you've told yourself for a very long time to keep you from feeling a whole bunch of negative emotions. Everything from guilt, to mourning, an embarrassment and sadness and all any negative emotion. You can absolutely learn how to feel safe when you're in a crowd or in an elevator or any other place that you go, when you learn how to manage the anxiety in your body and to trust yourself. It's also important to remember that once you find what you're actually afraid of the anxious thoughts and feelings lose their power over you because you can deal with the real problem instead of the scary stories that your brain creates. Those scary stories get bigger and bigger and bigger, the more you think them, but the actual factual fear, or the thing that you truly fear gets smaller when you start to look at it, because you realize that you can handle absolutely anything that gets thrown in front of you. And we also know this is true, because you've done it. You're still here. I'm also going to help you create a self care routine, like sleeping, and moving your body when you feel anxious, and even when you feel good. And eating foods that make you also feel really good. And putting your phone down. and whatever else you need. I've seen people do the exact things that they were terrified of doing. and I've done it myself, so I know It's possible for you to.
The way that you can talk to me is to schedule a consultation call. and you can do that by going to my website, which is my name, MeganDevito.com/workwithme. Or you can go to the shownotes and just click the link and it'll take you to my calendar. Its super simple to do, you click the link, you choose a time that works for you and then you give me a call at that time. The call is a great way to learn more about what's keeping you feeling anxious, so that you can start making the changes that will help you recover. The entire thing is all about how you feel what's making you feel anxious, and what you want to be able to do, instead of what you're stuck avoiding now. And you're going to have fun, I like to keep it light because if being anxious is heavy enough, without adding more heaviness to the top of it. We don't need any more of that.
So I hope this episode was helpful for you if you're struggling with feeling scared of big crowds, or with any other anxious thoughts. and as I mentioned earlier, you can find me on Instagram, I'm @CoachMeganDevito you can leave me a comment or message me and tell me what you want to hear on the podcast or what you loved about an episode. and I just want to say thank you again for listening. So schedule your consultation call. and I will talk to you next week, if not sooner. Take care.
I hope you've enjoyed this episode of The More than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. Add of course when you're ready to explore coaching with me, jump to the show notes, click the link and schedule time for us to talk. See you soon.
Comments