Episode Description: Anxiety Explained: Managing Anxiety From Everyday Worries to Disabling Disorders
Feeling constantly overwhelmed by worry and stress? Unsure if your anxiety is "normal" or something more? In this episode, I'm talking about different ways you might experience anxiety, exploring the spectrum from everyday worries to debilitating disorders.
Key Topics:
The difference between normal anxiety and anxiety disorders
How high-functioning anxiety can impact your life
The role of thoughts in creating and maintaining anxiety
The power of coaching in managing anxiety
Whether you're dealing with occasional stress or chronic anxiety, this episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies to help you get the help you need so you can feel calm, confident, and in control.
Podcast Transcript:
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito, and I am the Life Coach for women and teenagers living with anxiety, who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back, get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident in your ability to live a life that sets your heart on fire. Let's do this.
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast, episode 23. I just got back last week from the most amazing mastermind training to help me dig deeper into my own brain and in my coaching, and I learned so much. And now I have a cold. So if I sound funny, my throat is really sore right now. While most of the group was in Cabo, I chose to stay closer to home; I had lots going on with my kids and their schedules. But I did get to move into this beautiful condo that my parents have, that was a couple hours away. And since I don't have great internet at my house, it was actually a blessing, my kids had some cancellations and not only did I have great Wi Fi, but I had the entire place to myself, and it was glorious. I spent three full days focusing on what I want to create for this coaching business and learning how I can best communicate what I do know to be true about the power of coaching, and about how to help you when you feel stressed and anxious. So it was a fantastic three days. And I have to admit, I really had to force myself to stop and sleep during those three days, because there were just so many ideas in my brain. I started outlining this episode while I was learning, and it all fell into place.
So let's dive into what normal anxiety looks like versus an anxiety disorder and talk about how coaching will benefit you once you know which category you fall into. This concept is going to change the way you think about anxiety and help you find the best place to start so that you can feel better, which is really the goal, isn't it? Just not to feel like crap anymore. I'm going to clear up any confusion you might have about where you currently are because feeling anxious isn't enjoyable at any level, but how you handle it truly depends on how you are experiencing it in your life.
As much as we don't like to admit it, feeling anxious is just part of the human experience. We all have drama in our lives that will cause our brains to do their very best work, and remember that your brain's number one job is to keep you safe and alive by whatever means possible, which means never do anything unfamiliar or new. Just stick to the plan and keep your guard up at all times. It's a super effective system when you don't consciously choose to override it, and It's also incredibly fast. What I mean by that is your brain is going to react to anything it perceives as a threat, anything that is unfamiliar, and It's going to fill your body with all of the hormones it needs to be able to stay safe and to stay alive. And unless you are conscious of the fact that you feel anxious, or you aren't thinking clearly, you will continue to react in the same way over and over again.
So since we know everyone feels anxious, It's important to know what anxious feels like for somebody with everyday anxiety, or what It's like if you're dealing with high functioning anxiety and then even further on down the scale to what I would call disordered or even just crippling anxiety. All three of them work the same way, but everyday anxiety and high functioning anxiety are not the same as an anxiety disorder. I work mostly with women who have high functioning anxiety with an occasionally extra anxious day. Let's start with figuring out what sounds most like you.
Normal anxiety happens when you have a defined reason to be anxious. You might have to give a presentation at work or at school. Maybe your kid was hiding in the clothing rack at Target and you couldn't find them and you freaked out for a few minutes. Or maybe you hate going to the dentist or you don't like having to go to the doctor. I used to feel anxious when I had to get my oil change because I had to watch my kids and I it just drove me crazy, maybe stressed out is a better word. Once you solve the problem though, that anxiety goes away and you just move on with your day. The symptoms in your body when you feel that anxiety though they feel the same. Your body and your brain aren't doing anything different than if you were to have a bigger anxiety issue. You just don't put that much emphasis on them. So you go back to what would be normal, or maybe even call it homeostasis. It's important to see here that your brain and your body always do the same thing. And It's only the person's relationship to how they feel and what they think that changes. I'm going to say that again, your brain and your body are always doing the same thing. It is only your relationship to how you feel and what you think that changes. That is super important.
Because on the opposite end of the spectrum from everyday anxiety are anxiety disorders. These are extended periods of extreme anxiety that keep you maybe from leaving your house, or from going to any place where there might be other people, panicking on repeat, and it can be focused on specific fears as well. Sometimes I work with people who have a fear of throwing up or people who have a fear of driving or they even just fear panicking. Anxiety disorders have severe and overwhelming impacts on your ability to live. Normal every day anxiety is a blip on your radar. Anxiety disorders are things like PTSD, OCD, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder. They are diagnosed and they are treated often by a doctor or a therapist, and sometimes with medication. This doesn't mean coaching on the back end isn't extremely helpful, because it absolutely is. I've worked with several people with disordered anxiety, who are also taking medication, or who are talking with therapists at the same time. That's fantastic. That works well. However, you have to have someone who's helping you heal on the back end, to talk out all of the past trauma, and this can also be true for people with severe postpartum anxiety. Let's work on it on the back end so that coaching can move you forward toward a specific goal.
High functioning anxiety is kind of in the middle. It's not even an exact term, there's not really a label, we just call it high functioning anxiety, because you're out doing life, but you still feel pretty crappy most of the time. And I would say that I fell in my past somewhere between high functioning anxiety and disordered anxiety, because there were days where I was not functioning, but there were most of the days where I was out doing life and just crumbling inside. So high functioning anxiety isn't necessarily a disorder, but it's also not a simple blip in your day. It's incredibly time consuming. It is exhausting, and it is emotionally painful, in the kind of way because it often focuses back on how you view yourself, your ability to cope, or your self worth. So if you spend your days constantly overthinking, or analyzing every thought or every conversation you had with someone, if you're afraid of messing up at work, or at home, maybe you think I'm not doing enough at work, everybody thinks I'm stupid and lazy. Or your thought at home is I'm a terrible mom, I'm a terrible wife, no matter what I do, It's wrong. If you're always trying to be perfect, or trying to make other people happy, or like you, if you're the person people come to because they know that you're never going to say no if you've become a yes man or yes woman that can be high functioning anxiety. If you are chronically early, and I don't mean five minutes early, I mean, like sometimes a half an hour early, because you're terrified of what people will think if you're late, or what will happen if you're late but then you walk in with a smile, like everything's fine, even when you think that you're going to throw up because everyone's looking at you and they probably think that you're a slacker, or that you look ridiculous, or that they don't even know why you're hired or why you would show up. That is high functioning anxiety.
You're likely having other nervous habits that you may not even have noticed that, once I say this you might think oh, I didn't even realize I was doing that. Things like chewing your nails, which is an obvious one. We know that people who chew their nails tend to be anxious and that can be like the skin around your nails as well. Leg bouncers, people that are constantly bouncing their legs. Sometimes they're just not good at sitting other times it's because they have nervous energy. It could be rocking back and forth in your chair. Twirling your hair around your finger. Or this one's subtle... If you can't stop yawning or you can't stop blinking. When you're excessively anxious, sometimes you yawn as a as an outlet. Pay attention to that and you'll start to notice it in other people as well. So if you're not noticing that in yourself, you might say "Oh, that's just crazy. I never noticed that my kid was doing that. Always twirling their hair and yawning," check in with them. They might be anxious Once you learn how to handle your own anxiousness, you can help your kids with it as well, or your neighbor or your sister or whomever!
The problem with high functioning anxiety is the amount of energy you spend making everyone else happy, in order to feel like you're worthy of respect, or friends, or of having what's important to you. And what's even crazier is that people go through their whole lives with this kind of anxiety, and look like they have it all together. These are the people that we oftentimes will look at on social media, or at work and think, Oh, my God, they are killing it. They're so cool and calm, and inside, they want to go into the bathroom and fall apart. They tear up, you just don't see it, because they're so intent on hiding it. I'm not saying everyone is like that. Some people are super chill. But a lot of times the people who look the most together are the most anxious. These people are punctual, they're helpful to a fault, they will bend over backwards to make you feel important, and have everything in order, on and on and on. But on the back end, they're not sleeping at night. They're overthinking about what they said to you at the office, or what they could have done instead, or how they screwed up and put the staple on the wrong side of the packet or something like that. These people have incredible GI issues. And I mean everything from feeling like they've got acid reflux, to constant stomach aches or diarrhea. They have headaches. They're so scared that they will mess up and be found out. It's exhausting. And It's a totally defeating way to live, but because they put so much into looking happy and energetic, we often think that we should give them a pay raise and give them an award, but they're falling apart! Does that sound like you? Because if it does, that is high functioning anxiety.
High functioning, anxious, people tend to compare their abilities to other co workers or other moms or their sister or somebody else that they know or maybe even just somebody they see on the internet. They see the standard that needs to be met based on what their own perception of what's necessary to succeed, or what's true, and then they sabotage themselves by doing everything for everyone else just to be liked. They never allow themselves to reach the standard that they set because they're always raising the bar and thinking that they can't get there. They are thinking themselves into staying anxious in order to be liked, and then sabotage themselves because they don't feel like they're liked. They get frustrated and grouchy and obsessed, and they just feel like they can't win.
So let me be clear, it is possible to feel anxious most days, and be high functioning and miserable. But It's not the same as being anxious every day, and locked inside your head, being consumed by thoughts, or how your body feels when you're anxious, alone, or with someone else. Out and about or at home. Feeling anxious and doing life out of fear is high functioning anxiety because you're still doing life. But if you fall into the second category, and you're struggling to leave your house, or to have a moment of peace, no matter if someone's with you, or if you are alone, or if you're overcome with panic, please, please, please make an appointment with your doctor and find a therapist who can help you. You've got to have support through that. And when you work through whatever issues might be in your past, or on solving for your hormones, or whatever else is keeping you in that state, then you can move forward; then we can talk about how I can help you reach the goals that you have been wanting to reach for so long but that you haven't had the capacity to because of that disordered thinking.
However, if you're moving through your day, and you're judging yourself and your decisions and you're feeling like absolute shit, while you smile through the diarrhea and the tears, that's when we need to talk. High functioning anxiety as a thought error. You hear me there? High functioning anxiety, and I would almost venture to say all anxiety, is an error in how you are thinking and you can change how you think and how you feel simply by straightening out your thoughts and the thoughts about who you are and about how your body feels. Now I totally get that might not be the case for somebody who has postpartum anxiety because their hormones are messing with them. Or you might have PTSD where you've got some past trauma you have to work through or panic disorder where you have to calm down your body first. That's a debate for a different day. But for now, just know that if you are doing life and feeling chronically anxious, it comes back to your thoughts. So whether you're worried about making the wrong decision, or that somebody is thinking whatever it is that you think they might be thinking... and let me remind you, you're only guessing because you don't really know, you're just making the saddest scariest guess you can come up with because your brain is trying to keep you safe. Take a minute and capture the thoughts and notice what is going on in your body. When you get familiar with how those thoughts make your body feel, then you can start to call anxiety out as a feeling that's driven by fear. You either think something and feel anxious about it, or you feel anxious, and you try to think your way out of it. But either way, It's the guessing and the way that you're thinking that is keeping you stuck. Your brain is just overworking itself and sabotaging you.
Let's be clear, It's great that you want to make smart decisions, and that you want people to like you; we all want people to like us. But when you spend your whole day, every day, bending over backwards out of fear, instead of owning how smart you are, you start to work yourself into a nervous sweating mess, trying to make everybody else feel good, so they like you. Or when you can't say no or stop thinking, you're gonna suffer and It's not just mental suffering. Your body will get tired, you will get sick easier, and if you are not refilling yourself, if you're not filling yourself up with positivity and honest thoughts, and empowering thoughts, you can really quietly and smoothly move from feeling anxious, to anxious and depressed. And then we get to add another level of untying knots. You don't have to go there.
This is why coaching is so important. When you're overthinking or you're over serving people, and you're people pleasing your head off, if your thoughts are based in the fear of what people think about you, or what they want you to do, you are not able to give your very best, because you're not doing what is best from your gifts. You're selling them short, and you're selling yourself short. Every time you make a decision based on feeling stupid, you aren't using the best knowledge that's in your brain. You're trying to make someone else think you're smart. Your intuition is in there and you know the right answer, it's just covered up out of fear. Every time you say yes when you know you say you should say no, you aren't giving your fullest energy; your heart isn't in the work. What if you said no and someone else really wanted that position? You're giving someone who has the heart for that work the opportunity to do it! When you overthink, you aren't trusting and loving who you are, you're giving away your intrinsic value because overthinking means you don't trust yourself. So coaching takes all of those thoughts, which are only thoughts that go through your brain that cause an emotion or a feeling and make you do something or avoid something to keep you safe... it takes all of those thoughts, and helps you find what you already know is true. It's a very quiet whisper. It's an expansive feeling inside of yourself, or this little flicker or glimmer that you know, but that you don't pay attention to because It's not loud enough. And when you find the truth about who you are, and you start seeing what isn't pretty on the inside of you. Coaching helps you create new thoughts and as you grow, and you learn how smart you are, and how kind you are and how people like you. And you don't have to try. You're lovable and you're needed and you always have been, you literally change your brain and your body chemistry. And all goes back to what you think about who you are.
We are straightening out the thoughts and when you straighten out the thoughts, you put the brakes on the anxiousness. I hope this was helpful. And wherever you fall on this anxiety spectrum, I hope you take time to take care of yourself today. This world needs you in your full glory and you deserve to feel confident and sure of yourself. To talk with me about working together, go to www.megandevito.com/workwithme or check the show notes for a link and schedule your call right now. Because the longer you keep acting out of anxiety and stress, the less time you have to show the world what they're missing. I'll talk to you soon.
I hope you've enjoyed this episode of The More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course when you're ready to explore coaching with me, jump to the show notes, click the link and schedule a time for us to talk. See you soon.
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