Relational Anxiety Solutions Start With Letting Go of Control
- Megan Devito
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Before I go any further, can we just stop to acknowledge that Miss Jackson was the highlight of the AMA's this year? Even after all these years, she is still killing it.
Probably because she's not out trying to control everyone else's life and focusing on herself.
Speaking of Janet, how are you about Control?
Do you find yourself constantly trying to control your spouse?
Your kids?
Your environment?
Maybe your emotions?
I get it.
When you’re someone who wants things done right (aka your way), it can feel overwhelming when other people aren’t following your plan.
You probably wonder why they won’t just listen to you already, and how many times do you have to tell them what you expect anyway!?
Even though it might feel like you’re overwhelmed because no one understands you, or they just don’t get what you’re asking them to do and why it’s important to you, that’s not actually the problem.
For me, I know how frustrating it is when you’ve been trying for months and maybe even years to get someone to fit the vision you have of them in your head. What I’ve learned, and what Dr. John Page and I are sharing in this week’s podcast episode is, that you have to let go if you want more control, better relationships, and less resentment, exhaustion, and stress.
The "Fixer" Mentality
I’ve said more than once that I’m a fixer.
I used to wear it as a badge of pride. I mean, it’s how I help people, isn’t it?
No… it is NOT.
We often believe that if someone else changes, we’re helping them. As a bonus, we also feel better, even if they didn’t necessarily like the change. (It was good for them…)
Honestly though, you can’t truly change other people.
You can force them to do things.
And sometimes, especially as a parent who's kids refuse to eat their vegetables, or who would rather be grounded than go to school, you have to force it.
But that’s the end of it.
With anyone else, you can only control what you think and how you react.
Continuing to force them to fit your idea of what should happen will leave you feeling resentful, stressed out, and anxious.
The Solution for Relational Anxiety: Letting Go
Accepting that other people don’t live inside your head and that their way is the right way for them is your work.
This is not "giving up," but allowing them to think and behave as they are right now. This is how kids learn and how adults evolve.
It allows them to be who they need to be, and frees you up to focus on your work, your family and friends, and your life.
When you’re not trying to make them do something so you feel better or calmer, you figure out how to do that no matter what they do.
And that, my friend, is freedom.
Even if a problem is "99% their fault," focus on your "1% side of the street" - Dr. John Page
The "Dumb Crap" Your Brain Thinks:
Since your feelings come from your thoughts, and sometimes your brain (just like mine) thinks crazy stuff, you have to mind your mind. Just because you have a thought doesn't mean you have to act on it.
This is key to managing anxiety and exactly what I help my clients with. You can talk to me more about what its like to work with me here.
How This Changes YOUR Life
Focusing on your next move, creating boundaries around your time and energy, learning to manage emotions and ignore anxious thoughts gives you all the freedom, confidence, and success you’ve been chasing for so long.
You’ll have:
More energy because you’re not putting all of your effort into changing other people.
Stronger boundaries, because you know your own emotions and responsibility vs. their's
More time and the brain space to think creatively and clearly.
My friend, real calm and confidence come from releasing control and and mastering your mindset.
Episode 139 of More than Anxiety featuring Dr. John Page is waiting for you.
🌟 If you’re curious about the sneaky thoughts that are keeping you stuck and where to start so you can feel better, let’s do an audit. We'll cover 7 areas of your life, ranking each on a scale from 1-10, all without you having to go deep into the things you don’t want to share. You'll know what's going well, what's keeping you stuck, and where to focus your energy and attention.
You can schedule an audit with me here: https://www.megandevito.com
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