Ep 45 - Finding Calm in Midlife: Reconciling Faith and Anxiety

Episode Description: Finding Calm in Midlife: Reconciling Faith and Anxiety

In Episode 45, I'm sharing what it was like for me when faith and an anxiety disorder collided and left me feeling hopeless, defeated, and angry. Whether you're spiritual, religious, or simply looking for solid advice on how you can feel less anxious, this episode is for you. 

Are you a woman in midlife wrestling with anxiety and your faith? You're not alone. 

In this deeply personal episode, life coach Megan Devito shares her own journey of navigating anxiety within a faith-based upbringing and explores why the well-intentioned advice of "just have faith" can sometimes feel impossible. 

Discover a compassionate perspective on reconciling your spiritual beliefs with the reality of anxiety. 

Learn practical insights on how prayer and spirituality can be supportive when approached with self-awareness and realistic expectations. 

This episode offers hope and actionable steps for finding true calm and trusting yourself on your path to peace.

Ep 45 - Finding Calm in Midlife: Reconciling Faith and Anxiety

Podcast Transcript:

Finding Calm in Midlife: Faith, Anxiety, and Letting Go of Fear

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast! I'm your host, Megan Devito, a life coach dedicated to helping stressed out and anxious women – especially those in midlife – discover a life filled with joy and freedom from the grip of anxiety. If you're ready for a lighthearted yet truthful approach to managing anxiety, packed with actionable steps and empowering inspiration, you've come to the right place. Let's dive in and create a life you truly love!

Welcome back to Episode 45 of the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan, and today's episode, recorded in early July 2023, is something that's been weighing on my heart. I'm being honest, it makes me a little nervous to share, as it's deeply personal and might even challenge some perspectives. However, I believe this message about faith and anxiety is crucial and needs to be heard.

I want to preface this by saying that my experience comes from a Christian background. However, I also recognize that the concepts of overcoming fear are present in the Quran and the Torah. My hope is that this resonates with you regardless of your religious beliefs or lack thereof. This isn't about pushing any specific religious narrative, but rather about exploring the complexities of experiencing anxiety while hearing the often-repeated phrase, "do not be afraid."

It's a well-known fact that the words "do not be afraid" appear 365 times in the Bible – a daily reminder, which sounds wonderful in theory. But for those of us grappling with daily anxiety, it can feel utterly impossible. This seemingly straightforward command can actually create more difficulty for believers or those wanting to believe who also struggle with an anxiety disorder. I've been there, and if you're in that place now, please keep listening. My aim is to help you hold onto your faith while taking steps towards actually feeling less afraid.

Through my own journey, I've come to realize that life isn't always black and white. But this wasn't always my understanding. Even after beginning my recovery from health anxiety, I once believed there was no connection between spirituality and anxiety. As someone who deeply valued my Christian faith and yet lived through years of intense anxiety, the words "do not be afraid" offered no solace during panic attacks and overwhelming moments. In fact, they often made things worse.

I vividly remember countless nights spent in bed, desperately praying to God to take away the overwhelming anxiety and the relentless thoughts racing through my mind. I was exhausted and tearful, and the more fervently I prayed and tried to believe in a miraculous cure, the more intense my anxiety became. Instead of finding relief, I spiraled further. There would be brief periods of feeling okay, only for the anxiety to return, leading to more desperate attempts to make it stop. During this time, as someone raised in the church and involved in various religious activities, I felt immense guilt. I questioned my faith, believing I was doing something wrong or that God had somehow abandoned me. The more I prayed for relief, the more anxious I became, fearing not only my existing worries but also the terrifying thought that even God couldn't help me. It felt like hell on earth, a place I never wanted to revisit. This experience also brings up the topic of religious trauma, which is a significant issue for another time.

During intense anxiety meltdowns, I'd pray with the desperate feeling that I wouldn't survive the night. My grandmother, a preacher's daughter and a deeply faithful and loving woman, along with my equally devoted mother, while incredibly supportive, didn't truly grasp the depth of my anxiety. This was a time before therapy was common and before the wide array of anxiety management techniques and medications we have today. While I was surrounded by love and unwavering faith, the well-meaning advice to "give it to God" and "pray it away" felt like a constant loop in my head. I did try, repeatedly, but each time left me feeling more hopeless and inadequate. I moved from being simply anxious to a place of profound hopelessness and a sense of not being good enough. What I didn't understand then was that I was inadvertently doing the very things that were keeping me stuck.

I also lacked effective coping skills. Between prayers, I would try to appear okay, still battling underlying tension but experiencing fleeting moments of relief. I was often high-functioning, able to put on a smile and hide my inner turmoil. Social outings, sometimes involving alcohol, offered temporary distractions, but the anxiety would inevitably return when I was alone. This was particularly true during my college years, where the memories of desperate nighttime prayers are most vivid. The busy nature of classes and social life could temporarily quiet the anxiety, reinforcing the idea that anxiety is a thinking thing. However, boredom would lead to spirals, and I lacked the knowledge of proper breathing techniques or the habit of exercise. My diet of processed foods and constant worry only exacerbated the problem. Looking back with the clarity of hindsight, I can now see why I felt so lost and why nothing seemed to help. I was doing the best I could, just like many of you are. So, if you're caught in the cycle of praying without relief, please know that I understand.

So, how can spirituality or prayer truly help with anxiety, regardless of your faith – whether you follow the Quran, Bible, Torah, Hinduism, Buddhism, or even a blend of spiritual beliefs? From my Christian perspective (shared with love for all my friends, believers and non-believers alike), I've had a lifelong wrestling match with God, and it continues today. Raised primarily Methodist but now leaning towards a more eclectic spiritual path, I know the teachings of the Bible and battled through severe mental health challenges. I mistakenly believed I could simply will myself to stop being afraid, but that's not realistic when your mind and body are sending constant signals of danger. If it were that easy, none of us would experience anxiety.

Prayer is indeed powerful, and so is meditation. However, when your body and mind are in the throes of anxiety, begging God, Allah, or any higher power for the feelings to disappear, while simultaneously feeling shame and guilt for not being "heard," only perpetuates the cycle. Focusing intensely on physical symptoms like a racing heart, body tension, or intrusive thoughts reinforces their presence. The true purpose of prayer and meditation in this context is to shift your focus away from your anxious body and back to the present moment. Paying attention to your breath, the sounds around you, or repeating a mantra redirects your brain from anxious thoughts. As your breath and body calm, your thoughts begin to slow down, allowing you to experience a sense of peace – the presence of God, Allah, the universe, or spirit. In that moment of stillness, you are calm, not because the anxiety has magically vanished, but because you are not actively engaging with anxious thoughts.

Secondly, "giving it to God" doesn't mean the anxious feelings will instantly disappear. Your body holds the imprint of your past experiences, both positive and negative. When anxiety is triggered, your body reacts in familiar ways, based on past experiences where it perceived danger. Our brains are naturally wired to be vigilant for potential threats. So, "giving it to God" means learning to recognize those physical sensations, acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, and trusting in your safety. It's about knowing yourself and believing that peace is accessible, even if it doesn't feel like constant "sunshine and rainbows."

For me, a turning point in my recovery was realizing I was focusing on and praying for the very thing I didn't want. I was giving power to every fleeting anxious thought because my body was reacting to normal physical sensations. When you're anxious, it's normal for your heart to race, for your limbs to feel weak or tingly, or for your throat to feel tight. There's no right or wrong way to experience these feelings. My mistake was interpreting these normal anxiety symptoms as dangerous signs or premonitions, which only amplified my fear.

In coaching, one of the first steps we take is to identify how your body uniquely experiences anxiety. You need to become intimately familiar with these sensations and stop trying to force them away or asking God to remove them. Instead, you gradually learn to recognize them as normal and safe. This act of self-awareness and acceptance is a form of "giving it to God" – releasing the need to constantly worry about these feelings, trusting that you will be okay as you learn to let go. Once you recognize these feelings as your body's normal response, you can shift your focus towards the things you've been avoiding or fearing. This is where you begin to release your anxious narratives and build trust in yourself, your faith, or your intuition – and this is where the truly transformative and empowering part of coachingbegins.

Yes, please continue to pray and meditate. Engaging in spiritual practices, whether it's formal prayer, meditation, or simply walking in nature, is incredibly beneficial for bringing you back to the present moment. And remember, in the present moment, right now as you listen to this, you are safe. However, don't stop there. There are many other valuable resources, skills, and scientific facts about how your body and brain function that can significantly aid your progress. For instance, did you know that the majority of your serotonin is produced and absorbed in your gut, not just your brain? A healthy digestive system is crucial for mental well-being. Similarly, even a small amount of exercise has been shown to be as effective as antidepressants for managing depression. My accidental discovery of walking for "cookie privileges" unknowingly benefited my mental health. Consider also the impact of sleep deprivation and vitamin D deficiency on anxiety levels. Addressing these physical factors is an important step towards feeling better.

So, don't limit yourself to prayer alone. If your doctor recommends medication, explore that option. If you have experienced past trauma or are navigating significant life challenges, seeking support from a therapist can be invaluable. And, of course, if you're ready to actively create new thought patterns, develop healthy habits, and understand your body's signals, I encourage you to schedule a consultation call with me. This is a powerful conversation focused entirely on your experience with anxiety, where you will feel truly understood. By the end of the call, you'll know with certainty that you are capable and deserving of living a life free from the overwhelming grip of anxiety. This isn't a privilege for a select few; everyone has the potential to feel significantly less anxious. As you take those initial steps towards feeling better, please keep going. I firmly believe that you have been given all the necessary tools, people, and resources – including a connection to something greater than yourself – to heal and thrive. There are so many paths to feeling better, my friend.

I want you to consider this: What small step will you take today that will guide you towards greater calm, increased self-trust, and growing confidence? You already possess everything you need to get there. You can feel connected, safe, and empowered. I am here cheering you on and ready to help. I'll talk to you next week or on our call. Until then, take care.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety Podcast. Please subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this valuable resource. And if you're ready to experience more relaxation, energy, confidence, and joy, visit www.megandevito.com/workwithme (or check the show notes) to learn more about coaching. See you soon!