You are beautiful!
You are a very talented writer/singer/chef/decorator......
I wish I had your......
Are you curled inside yourself yet? What is it about a compliment that leaves some of us shying away and believing that the person complimenting us is just, "being nice"?
There is something completely unsettling at times about compliments and I really think it's not only because we are programmed from a young age not to brag, but also because we continually downplay our strengths. Maybe those two things go hand in hand for you, or maybe you know you're great at something and are shy; whatever the case, today is the day we are going to tackle a sincere thanks and a smile. When someone tells you that you are incredibly good at baking chocolate chip cookies, instead of blowing it off like everyone in the world can make them chewy and crispy just like you, it's time to learn to admit that you really are pretty damn good at baking a wicked good cookie. If you are able to run five miles (or even one mile), that is an achievement that some people don't have, say thank you. If you can rock a pair of 4" stiletto heals, God bless you, don't break your ankles and when someone says they are impressed, smile and thank them!
Somewhere along the line we have seriously confused bragging and boasting. Bragging is admitting that we have skills, beauty, or ability. Bragging is a necessary skill in itself if you want to get the job you want, into the college you want, or if you're going to use the gifts that God gave you. You are invited, required even, to admit what you are good at so you can share those talents and attributes with the rest of us who would love to learn how to do them as well. We need more of your authentic self.
Now boasting, boasting is putting yourself up on a pedestal that sets you higher than others. Maybe you really are the fastest runner but bragging admits you are fast while boasting says everyone else is a no-talent chump. Do you see the difference?
So how can we begin to tackle this icky feeling we get and turn it into a sense of acknowledgment and a positive interaction? I can't make this any simpler.
Smile and say thank you.
Done.
Stop.
Don't negate their sincerity with a "well, but", or a "No, I'm not" or any other kind of self-smack talk. You don't need to scramble to compliment the person back unless you sincerely have something to say, and you don't need to look down and shy away. In fact, you need to look in the mirror next time you run to the bathroom and smile. Tell yourself that you are in fact a great piano player, that you do have amazing hair, or that your smile is pretty. Say it until you believe it.
Next, spread the love. Take time to tell other people in your life what you admire about them. This world is in serious need of some love and something as simple as a smile and a hello, recognition for a job well done, or a thank you goes miles toward making life brighter for others. Imagine how awesome it would be if everyone walked around feeling great about themselves instead of hiding their gifts. How much awesome stuff could we accomplish?
Now it's my turn. I want to thank you all for reading this today. It always makes me feel good when someone mentions that they read my blog and even better when it helped change their perspective. Not only do you encourage me to keep thinking of things to write about but you help me appreciate my writing ability and coaching skills and THAT is new. You see, I'm a former down-player myself but today I'm happy to say that I freaking love my messy curls, I can write pretty darn well for a girl with no formal training and I can coach and teach people about stuff they didn't even know they cared about like nobody's business. (I'm working on the crispy-chewy cookie thing.)
If you or your son or daughter need better communication skills for more confidence, self-esteem and better health, let's talk. What if all it takes is a 45 minute conversation to start a world of positive and thriving change? You can schedule your Breakthrough session here.
What is this "Breakthrough session"? Great question! It's really a laid back conversation about what you want for yourself or what your teen wants for themselves. It's a glimpse into your future self and digging into what is important to you. I promise you'll love it and walk away with some pretty awesome insights. I can't wait to talk to you!